PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:
I just saw my boyfriend up the bus. He went home. Kind of misses him..maybe because he always says want to spend time with me but didn't. Was only standing at the corridor looking down to the bus stop. The bus stop was quite dim, so can't really see him. When I looked up into the sky..I sees the moon shinning brightly but accompanying him was just a dim star. The sky is nice. I bet it must be comfortable to be outside now. Not too cold neither hot.
Before blogging, I saw my cousin's frindster. She went to Singapore umpteen times with her boyfriend and friends. Such a good life. She has been here a number of times already. I envy her life. She seems to have everything I wanted. Excels in studies, freedom, loves, trust, friends. I want to be like her. I want my parents to let me travel to MY HOME COUNTRY with out them. Its dangerous I know, but i've grown up already. 19!!! my friends could do anything they want. Makes their own decisions. I want to go clubbing as and when I like! I want to stay overnight at my friend's house! I want freedom and trust!! Staying out late doesn't mean i'm astray. I'm not. I know my limits. I just know, I'm precaution about things too. Sometimes I don't wish to waste my youth away by sleeping at home everynight. I want to have some fun too..with my friends. Everytime my friend's birthday chalet or party, I have to by home by 11.30pm. I'm missing out so much!! They worry for me, but this is too much. I'm 19!!!!! I can't always be at home all the time. I won't know how badly the world will change. I'm ready to be exposed to this cruel world.
About class today. morning lesson (WareHouse Management) cancelled so I only come for (Princepal Purchasing) lesson. As usual, I'm late for lesson. Kah Fai was not in class, so only left Zalikha, yasmin and sharonjeet. I settled down besde Zalikha and she updated me whats going on in class. Than Sharon commented on my hair. I got messy hair, so what. I like it. Keep those fucking comments to yourself girl. Anyway I wasn't talking to her in the first place. Felt kind of pissed off. Zalikah told her "oh my god, how could you say such thing?!" Than she was like "I'm only joking lah, joke joke." I mean, its too far. Not funny anymore infact, its hurtful. Thats why I complained to my boyfriend LESSON IS SO BORING!!!
Sigh..whatever it is. My life in higher nitec just sucks. I hate going to school now. Whats worse is I totally got no motivation of waking up every morning! I need a change. Those around me haas changed so much. I'm lagging behind.
talking, writing. Days passes by and her movements is restricted even more. Its so cruel. Its nice to watching, prepare tissues if you are those with very active tear glands. =D
Eve:
Stayed at home clean the whole house up my myself.
Watched TV
1st Day:
Suppose to go out with boyfriend to bai nian, but didn't because of him.
Stayed At home all day with mom and brother.
Watched TV again. Dragons & Dungeongs, Harry Potter Chambers of Secrets and etc.
2nd Day:
Went to my Taekwondo Intructor's Intructor's house bai nian. Went late, Jason sir didn't ang bao. So bad.
Gambled awhile with them, 21 dian lost $1.50
Biggest wins it all. I won 3 times. haha!! $4.50
Went to boyfriend's house at that.
Ate Steam Boat. hehe!! So nice. Recieve 2 more ang baos.
Slacked awhile and went home. Boyfriend folow me to my house bai nian.
3rd Day:
Thought got school but too tired and overslept again.
Still in holiday mood.
End up no school, luckily didn't go. lol
etc.
So boring. Didn't go to school today, overslept. Got to go back to school and return shuttle key. Such a long jurney. Anyway, meeting my dearest girlfriend up. She is accompanying me back to school. Its been 1 year since she left. Going to esplanade after school. Yes!!! Got to go get ready now.
He says talking to me is very stressful. And going out with me is SIAN!! He claims that he can't share anything with me as I'm always not understanding.
Somehow, I not sure. He would rather spend his time with his brothers than with me. =( He complained how his so called brothers didn't look him up at times, how one guy own video-ezy shop $300 (and still adding) under his name, etc. But still he still would rather spend his free time with them complaining than I'm making him stress and dampen his spirits. I felt so hurted!!! I've been crying silently in bed for the past few nights.
Yup, his brothers didn't look him up. BUT I DID! Yet that is the respone I get..too disheartening. Ever since after the funeral, he is acting weird. Putting all the blames on me.
-I Need Freedom! -I'M GOING NS SOON AND I WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY BROTHERS -WHEN I GO NS I'LL SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU..I'm only in from 8am to 5pm mah. Can meet you up for dinner everyday. -You don't like this can anot? I'm very stress already you know. Stress about what I'm not very sure. My head is going to burst! Now I really hope that there is something to take me off the stress!!! Now I know why my friend die. I also want to plurge off the edge and thats it!!!!!
I was like what the fuck! You sure you are willing to meet me every single day like when we were first together?! What about your brothers, don't need to look for them and stay in contact?! I'm so very angry. He is such a liar...big fat liar!!! He used to say that he'll slowly leave his gang, All he need is just some time. But after the funeral, he told me that he'll never leave his gang! Even in the next life he'll also want to follow his that friend who died. Than ditch me aside and enjoy with his brothers. Fuck right! Liar!!! Than saying than I'm stressing him too much, he wants to commit suicide! DAMN!!
I've got so much more to say. But...its just another sad thing in my sad life.
- My mom don't know why I hate doing housework at home.
Anyway, I don't think anyone could know me inside out unside down. Sometimes I wish that I can understand myself better. Open up myself so thoe around me could know what I need. But reality makes it difficult to do so. If I open myself up and welcome whoever, I'll get stabbed in the back. This happened before. Thats why I seldom talk much since than. Noticed? I bet you didn't. My temper is hot lately, so its better to stay away from me..as far as possible. =(
My stupid sister want to use the computer already. Goodnight.
Anyway, I've just finish changing my blog skin. Kind of happier a little. I want more changes. By the way, how to put songs in blog?
This afternoon before I left school, I went to sign up for a Cover Girl contest, CINDERELLA (just for fun). Been wanting to join this kind of activities for so long. Never been in any of these before, very happy though no one join this thing with me. Thnx to Suyu and Daniel for their support. My lucky number 53. The voting starts on the coming monday.
okok, can't take it anymore. I need to take a shower before I'm really too sick for it. Than go faint on my bed. Tomorrow morning still got cross country and afternoon volunteery excursion to Jurong port.
Want to change it to a brighter and happier.
I want to add song on to my blog too.
Still looking for suitable blog skin of my likings.
Hopefully can have my very own blog skin.
With my face big on it.
Not only but many.
haha!
I don't want to dwell in saddness anymore.
I want a change.
A new year, a new start.
"Same one brand new year"
The quote I have for the past 2 years.
I want a CHANGE!!!!
A change for the better.
A happier and much fulfilling life.
More colourful too.