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Today I'm still so tired. I could really use a good day of rest. Off my mobile, lock the doors, put a sign "SILENCE AND BEWARE OF TIRED WOMAN GO MAD". But I know..this is impossible, my mom will somehow come and disturb me. Hence, later I got to go to school already. Count the stupid equipments. Sigh..if today training ends like 11pm, I'll go nuts. Tomorrow I still got to go to the hospital and spend the whole day there. Can't sleep, can watch tv but cannot hear it. So boring..Someone save me!!!!!!!!
But ok lah...lately my boyfriend has been a goodboy. He knows I must be very sian, thats why no matter how tired he is after his work he'll still come and find me. =)
Sent my mom to hospital, she ah..keep on reprimanding me in the cab on the way there! NON STOP MACHINE GUN. She is nto as if alot older than me or what. JUST A FEW MONTHS, NOT EVEN A YEAR. DAMN! She has no right to reprimand me that much. She don't even know when my mom had her chemo. She don't even know if my mom is allergic to any medicine. When the nurses ask us my mom's information (drug allgery, which doctor in charge of her radio and chemo, when is the treatments, etc), she just kept quiet. ONLY THAN SHE IS QUIET. fuck. so very angry. I hate her yelling at me. Its not my fault for being so tired. I didn't ask to be that tired. sigh..i'm so fatigue. I just want to lie dead on my bed. No, I just want to get myself drunk, fall deep asleep ignoring the world for one night...
This is what happened..
My mom started her RADIOTHERAPY on tuesday. This radiotherapy things need to be done everyday, excluding weekend, and the duration for each treatment is 15mins (plus registration, getting ready and etc, everything is done at around 45mins). The radiotheray treatment for her is still fine for now as the doctor say the side effects will become worse during the 3rd and 4th weeks. Than as for her CHEMOTHERAPY, its scheduled on every thursday after her radiotherapy. That thursday was so boring and tiring for me as I did not have enough sleep. Unfortunately, my tkd training ended very very very late, as late as 11pm I'm still in school! Thats why..than early in the morning need to go to the hospital already. sigh..so fatigue. Thursday really spend the whole day in the hospital accompanying my mom. Everyday I was at the hospital accompanying my mom, I worry for her too, so is my dad whom insisted that we take cab home right after every treatments and avoid crowded places.
Finally on friday, my mom suggested that we have lunch at jurong point after her radiotherapy. I hesitated of cause lah..as I thought the nurses told me that her immune system will be very weak after chemo. But she feel like eatting at other places instead of always at the same place. Sian mah...I know, so I accompanied her lor. Had lunch and walked around for awhile before heading home. I was already so tired ah..I just fell dead not long upon reaching home at around 2+. Anyway, my mom is still fine before I slept. Than I was in a really deep sleep until my uncle and brother came home and made alot of noises (around 5pm). Only than ah..my mom told me that she might be burning a fever. So I paniced abit and look for a thermometre to see if she is really having a fever. Indeed she is burning hot, quickly I asked my brother to faster go and bath and accompany me send my mom to hospital. Than my sister called and ask what the hell I'm doing at home all these while. "MOM IS HAVING A FEVER YOU KNOW?!" She exclaimed. fuck.
I got to go first. Continue blogging when I got the time.
Anyway, my darling girlfriend is coming over to my house later. haha!! So glad she is coming over. Than I don't need to leave the house and I could accompnay my mom too. My siblings is always out ah..so boring. I'm the only one at home always. Where is my freedom? My brother especially, went out everyday and only came home around mid night. Making my mom worry every night. So irritating. Tell him off, and he is not happy. Don't say him than my mom worry. Totally don't know what to do now.
Some other thing is that I don't know why my boyfriend is so ah pek these days. His life style is just so old! I can't stand him. I wish that he could get his youth back. I realised that we really has alot of differences. Eveyrthing he does not like doing I loves it like mad. I felt so controlled. He's acting like my another father. I hate this. I already don't have much freedom and yet I'm attached to another person who wants to control me. MY LIFE IS SUCH A BORE!!! Everytime things like these happenes, I feel like getting myself drunk and just throw my phone into the sea..so no one could find me. I want some night life, I'm NOT A HOMELY PERSON! I'm always thinking of gettin out of the house. No one understands me. I'm suffering for your happiness. And who could give me my happiness? Let me get myself drunk.
I love my family.
I love my friends.
I love my girlfriend.
I love my boyfriend.
Yesterday, went to orchard to meet ganga. On the way there that time, I met this not bad looking ang moh. Actually I don't really care about anyone in the train. I noticed him because he stood infront of me and I was busy with other things. Suddenly someone came and stood infront of you, you'll see one right? haha! And than I just lift up my head slowly and look at him. He gave me a blurred look and smile. Its only polite to smile back and so I did. He seems so lost in the MRT, kind of cute. And he is very polite and friendly. The sits beside me was empty, he even ask if he could sit beside me. I mean, no one would ask if they could sit beside someone in the train right? haha! I nodded and he sat down. He kept on looking at the MRT map, worried that he might miss his stop. When the train annouce "NEXT STOP, ORCHARD", he quickly stands up. lol. And than the other lady quickly sat at his place. He just smiled back and gestured that the sit is available. Very polite, unlike some ugly singaporeans who don't even care when you're just about to sit down..they just came in and slot themselves into the empty sit. Than I was alighting at the same stop with him too. And he let me walk first. How cute..I think alot of girls will like him. haha!! Seldom would I meet such gentlman, or I never did?? All the strangers are just so cold. Anyway, I did say thanks. Than he started talking to me. Very interesting ah..he has never been to singapore before. He was sent here to working if I didn't remember wrongly. New Yorker, studies philosophy but working in finanace. haha! Than finally, we are going our seperate ways..he ask if we could meet up some day for a drink or a tour around. Of cause, being a very kind person I offer to play host for his short few months stay. He ah..didn't bring handphone nor pen. I wonder what happens if he got lost. haha!! Too bad he don't have my number. I told him that I'll add him in msn, and I did add him lah. Just that until now I haven't seen him online. hmmm..But, he really makes me wonder, wouldn't life be better if everyone was like him?
Saturday, we went shopping for my present. he is lucky that this time is the GREAT SINGAPORE SALES period. haha! Or else he will have to spend more (yet he don't know that he is lucky). Yup, went out with good mood and came home with bad mood. First we headed to the army market to do his things, but he didn't get anything done there because has to wait for a very long time. No patience..his mood off already. than went downstairs to eat as we were both hungry. Than I couldn't decide what to eat becasue everyday I'm eatting almost the same thing. So I took quite a long time to decide. His mood double turned off. Than we quarell. After eating, our next destination was to bugis to find the bag he wants and get it. Than his mood off, he don't want to go anymore. *Irritated* Than fine..we headed to vivo the ADDIDAS Boutique to buy a jacket h promised to get me as our first anniversary present. So we reached there and headed to addidas. Before reaching the boutique, he side tracked to levis's store. Never mind..walk one round inside and came out. Nothing much there. Than ADDIDAS. Roam so many rounds, finally found a jacket of my liking, but he say its too expensive. my turn to mood off. Never mind..roam a few more rounds in the boutique and saw nothing there I like. So he decide to head to Hereen than boutique. Than fine lor..we go there feeling irritated. Than at hereen that boutique, we keep on asking to quickly choose what I like. So he could quickly pay the money and than quickly go other places. Kept on rushing me. I hate being rushed at when shopping. Because you can't think straight when you're being rushed. Than everything there was above his budget or I don't like. I love that yellow jacket with a camel embroided on the left chest but he say its not nice and too expensive. =( So I ended up with a normal black jacket and whilte strips on it. So boring man. And got the wrong size too!! Thnx to his rushing. Now I got to find time to get it change before they go out of stock. sigh..what a unhappy shopping experience.
Than Sunday I met up with ganga and headed to a carnival held at the old police academy. We had so much fun there!! Although some part she spoke to the guy that she like and sthe 2 other friends than sort of ignored me. I didn't join in their conversation is because I don't know nepale language. haha!! Whatever it is, we still had a great deal of fun. Took countless photos and even played a game for free!!! I love those boys who let us played for free. Actually only one of them agreed to let us play for free at 6pm when they closed. Thnx for your generousity! Although Ganga and I know you have ulterior motive..lol
I've experience it, sometimes I got through but most of the time I just broke down. They thought that saying hurtful words will get me to WAKE UP and than I'll start to pull up my socks. Its just not it, I'll only dislike them. They totally sucks when the apply their reverse psychology. I mean, not all people could except harsh words..if everyone could except harsh words than there won't be so much depression victims in the harsh reality. They said the harsh words without even understand what kind of situation I'm in. Its so irony.. We are all sensitive people. We have different limits to everything. The days you people practice reverse psychology on me infront of everyone, making me a ridicule were the days I start loosing faith.
I hate sarcastism.
I hate "suan-ings".
I hate reverse psychology!!!
Screw that bad practice people!!
And please think twice before you act, don't push people off the verge of sanity.
What to do? I'm a boring person with a attitude. My cousin ah...got my sister than don't need me already. They are now like best friends. I'm kind of jealous. haha!! My cousin claimed that she dotes me the most but hung out with my sister more. They went out without even aking me want to come along or not! This feeling totally sucks dude! The feeling of rejection. My sis seems to have everything i yearn to have. I simply hate her. lol
Everyone seems to be so boring suddenly. No one wants to go out..I hate staying at home. Sometimes I would rather go out for a walk near than staying at home. At home is just so boring! PLEASE WOULD SOMEONE JUST ASK ME OUT? haha.
Recently my boyfriend and I have been arguing alot. Next week is our first ANNIVERSARY! But we still fight verbally almost everyday. We fouhgt to the extend that I sometimes feel its so much better for us NOT TO BE TOGETHER ANYMORE. Totally no happiness, whats the point of being together? But I just loves him. =D Sigh..I'm just going nuts lately. Everything is just so boring now. HOW? I'm so loosing interesting in everything.