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Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Y
12:01 AM
I thought my blogger spoilt. For quite some time, I couldn't change my font colours, size, etc. haha! Anyway, its ok now.
Tonight's entry I just want to talk about whats happeneing between my boyfriend and I. I never believed in FOREVER. There is no such thing is forever the closest thing I believe in is just AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. I just the past really had a great impact to my future. I have this bad habit of being especially pessimistic alone at night. lol! I tried my best to quit this bad habit, but still to no avail yet. okok, I'm going side track already. Back back..that time my boyfriend ditched me but later we got back together. We had problems and stress too. And we both have trouble handling those things properly. Sometimes I just can't stand his temper and him being unreasonable. And he can't stand me nagging at him. He get jealouse easily (sometime it really irritates me alot), hot tempered, and definately not a spendthrieft person...complaining about how broke he is everyday. Can't afford to buy what I want ( he promised) for me. He loves to stay indoor and sleeps his time away, what a waste. For me, I love outdoors (thats why I got more guy friends than girls), when I want to save money to buy something I could definately do so in a period of time including regular pocket money. Anyway, we had our differences.
That time when we first got back together, he told me that he'll treat me better. Not shoutting at me, accompany me to many places. At first he did what what he said but as time passes by, he slowly changes. I've got a feeling that sometimes he just took me for granted. Sometimes only!
Sigh..now, he is still alright. One thing I don't understand about him is that why is he feeling so fatigue so easily? Everyday he'll just say that he is tired, want to sleep. I feel kind of bored. When he is with him buddies, he won't complain that much. I'm just nothing with we went out with his buddies, so boring. Where is your youth deary?
Actually I don't ask for much in this relationship. Just for him to
manage his finance better,
cut down on the complains about everyone around him,
get his youth back (more energetic please,he is not a 70 year old man),
and face life with a smile.
Most of the times I often tries to tell him things aren't always so complicated. A simple thing infront of the eye, he would always complicate it. I love him.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Y
8:10 PM
When was the last time you hugged your parents? For me, I've long forgotten how it felt like already. My mom knew that she might loose her life. So she asked for a hug from me..for merely a minute, I felt so warmth, loved, protected and also sence of insecurity. Than I felt like crying..but I couldn't. I don't want to let her see me crying. She'll break down with me. Sigh..I know. All I could do now is spend more time with her and treasure those times. Don't make her angry, please her as much as possible. Supporting her too.
I can't live without her..I felt so remorseful. Even now as I type this entry, I'm tring my best to hold my tears in. Actually up til now, I still can't except the fact that she is disgnosed with cancer. I JUST CAN'T! I'm going to be crushed down by stress...a listening ear and shoulder to cry on needed badly.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Y
7:06 PM
Dear Mom,
No matter what I will always love you. I never did hate you!! NEVER! I just sometimes hate the way you manage things (management). That makes me feel very vindicated. I'm trying my best to grow up now. All I wish for now is you to get well soon so that you won't leave us. We still needs you. Heard from daddy that you're going for the CT scan next week. Next week onwards everything will be very costly. I'll use as little money as possible. Anyway I end lesson at 1pm most of the time, so I'll always be home early.
I wanted to work so I don't need to ask money from my dad. I don't want to burden my dad..if there is someone looking after my mom the period that she is doing the chemo and radiation, I'll go to work. I'll earn my own and support myself. I know money is hard-earned.
Please get well soon. I'm supporting you and always loving you.
Beloved
2nd daughter
Monday, May 07, 2007
Y
11:21 PM
This morning went to the polyclinic to consult the doctor about my allergy and the thyroid thinggy. Everything my mom and I do has to que! So bloody long somemore. And in the afternoon my mom has a appointment with the hospital. Anyway, qued and done everything, went home collect some stuff and tok cab to meet my da at clementi. From there he drove us the NUH. We searched the place for the stupid radiothrepy department. So difficult to get to.
But after all the trouble the doctor want to talk to my dad and me (I happenend to be there) about my mom, why is she referred here and things. Its a bad news..my mom is diagnosed with cancer! I felt as though a big big rock just dropped from the sky onto my heart upon hearing this from the doctor. I'm kind of scared. The cancer has already reaches the 3rd stage already..so the faster we start the treatment the better. But its so damn expensive!! If we can't afford the medical fees here my mom will have to go back malaysia to recieve her treatment (which I don't know how much, at least cheaper than sg)!
I think will cost about
(11,000.00 x 2) ++ SGD
There will be 33 sessions. And before the 33 sessions of treatment, My mom still has to go for full body check up to see if the cancerous cells did spread to the other places..(please don't spread!!)
I don't know..now I totally got no mood to type so much. Please may it be better. At least let me be pink in health so my part of medical fee could be used on my mom's..oh my goodness! I doubt not many people goes through this....why does it have to be my family!!! I know I used to be unhappy about my family, this and that..but also not to the extent that I wish them dead!!! GRRRRR~~~!!! I'M SO STRESSED OUT! SOS!!!
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Y
11:52 AM
Woah!! Yesterday I really can't take the itch anymore and went to Tan Tock Seng hospital. Took cab there with my boyfriend and waited for a long time to consult the doctor. The doctor gave me 3 injections and made me waited again for a bed to rest on! Wait and Wait and Wait. from 4+ to 9+. But the cause of this itchiness is still unknown. Since wednesday, everything I eat and drink is normal. I dodn't take in new food or what. The pills for my thyroids I've been eatting it for almost one month already...could it be the allergy to the drug surface now? Hmmm...the ans is still unknown. Anyway, the feeling of the injections is funny. During the last injection, I felt that there is a weird ball thingy rush up my hands to my heart than up my throat (and to other parts of my body). The chemicals, I could actually taste it!! Its disgusting. Straigh away I feel very very very giddy! But still i have to wait..there isn't enough bed (what the hell)...waited for almost and hour till I almost fall off the chair. haha! Finally I got a bed and I was pushed into the observation room. than slept there until the dinner came. I was so hungry when I saw the congee. Chicken congee and warm Milo. ate nd I fell asleep again. lol. My dad and my boyfriend took turns to come in visit me. My rashes are subsiding and the doctor says I could go home already. But the paper works and such are so slow. Waited and waited and waited..and I could go off already. Payment also wait, take medicine also wait. My dad also complained about he waitting. Everything in the hospital must wait. Wait very long somemore. When I was waiting for my medicine, There is a group of ah bengs obstructing the flow of human traffic. Can't decide if they want to go in or not. irritating and loud! Grrr..anyway, my dad drove us to eat a fullfilling dinner at bukit timah. Than my boyfriend and I took cab home from there. Ahhh...rest rest rest!!
Today is our 11th month together! haha!! So looking foward to our outting later. =DD